day 350

Forgiveness...I always thought being sober was about people forgiving me for all my stuff
but I'm realizing more and more, it has more and more to do with me forgiving myself, and others for the reasons I started using to begin with.
I thought about it yesterday and realized that my anger and sadness could be a choice--I could choose to continue be hurt by the past, or start to forgive and let some of that just drop off my shoulders.
In a stupid ridiculous way, I've allowed the people to hurt me continuously for all these years by carrying them around with me--shouldering their anger and resentment like it was my cross to bear. Well folks, it's not. I am so over it.
They are not worth my time or effort.
The things that were done to me were horrible, yes, but I can't change them--and so, I can say--I'm sorry they did them--that sucks. And it's a shame that people like that chose to do those things and miss out on knowing me as I am, and participating in the positive things that I have to offer, because I will no longer have anything to do with them unless they decide to make full restitution. I have no place in my life for people who don't respect my boundaries. It's not hatred anymore, it's protection and self love. Not a self love that makes me an egomaniac, but a self love that respects my own preservation and maintanance. I'm looking after my own balance and well-being...something that should have been done for me years ago, but I'm going to do for me now because I deserve it.
We all do.