day 334

there is a significant difference between not drinking, and being sober.
I have realized that I am sober, and not just abstaining, because when I think about drinking, and watch people drink, I'm not angry, I'm uncomfortable.
I get anxious, not angry.
I don't lecture, I empathize.
This is SUCH a paradigm shift for me.
I quit drinking 9 years ago, to just see if I could, and I did. I was so bitter in the process, and made people around me miserable. I used to hand out advice like I was a self-help book...when I myself took none of it...
I told people to seek out meetings, having never gone myself.
I couldn't see past the log in my own eye to help people take the splinter in their own.
I'm not saying I can help anyone with any of that now...I'm FAR from helping anyone out...but at least now I'm not as huge a hypocrite as I was...I've been to a few meetings, and though it may not be my cup of tea for the long haul, I see it as a wonderfully useful tool in my sobriety and in helping others as well. I CAN'T make it alone...I'm powerless!
I require a team and a higher power to keep me in check or I'm totally going to get wrecked again...
Not that I am a wreck, but in a way, we all have the potential to make disasters of ourselves without love and guidance if left to our own devices.
I'm just glad that I reached out.