Day 8

So I realize the name of my blog may sound weird, and I want to clear that up.
YOUthymia is sort of a phonetic spelling (allbeit my own spin) of the word Euthymia.

Wikipedia defines Euthymia as: a word used for indicating a normal non-depressed, reasonably positive mood. It is distinguished from euphoria, which refers to an extreme of happiness, and dysthymia, which refers to a depressed mood.

I strive for this state. Neither happy nor sad. A place of serenity-no highs or lows, but of cerebral and emotional harmony. Maybe it sounds wacky, but I think most people would give up feeling super great to chuck the super sad letdown that inevitably follows.
There is some comfort in stability.
Achieving it, however, is the trick.

So that's what I'm trying to do--one day at a time. Not really knowing what I'm doing, still feeling the ups and downs, but hoping for some kind of eventual center.

Day 7

I'm starting a new experiment.
Online blogging about my recovery.
7 days without a drink.
I guess that's progress.
One day at a time.
I'm not sure what I should be feeling right now.
I feel tired and grumpy.
I forgot to take my meds last night until like 1:00.
I couldn't calm my mind down.
All I could think about was how a drink would relax me.
One sweet drink.
But one is never enough.
There's always a second.
Then a third-then a tenth.
And I lie.
"I only had 3."
I'm an expert lier.
I don't know the truth anymore.
The truth is, I'm tired, and I have no inspiration for art anymore because I'm not sober long enough to remember what I was doing long enough to follow through.
I drew last night for the first time in months.
It sucked but it's a start.
So there ya go.
Seven days and counting.